It's Festivus, so here are our gripes with golf

Break golf club over knee

"I've got a lot of problems with you people! And now you're gonna hear about it!" - Frank Costanza

With that quote, a faux-holiday was born. In an episode of "Seinfeld," the Costanza family (and Kramer) celebrate the made-up holiday of Festivus. George Costanza's father concocted the holiday after beating up a man many years ago for a holiday present for his son. The holiday is utterly ridiculous, but the best part of it is the Airing of Grievances, which is basically an opportunity to complain about the loved ones in your life.

We don't have gripes with people. We have gripes with golf. We all do. It's frustrating, difficult, humbling and addicting. So, facetiously, we have some grievances with the game we'd like to air.

1. The great shot on the last hole: There are so many of us who sometimes just want to drop our clubs and walk away from your grip forever, golf. But then on the last hole -- or, even worse, the penultimate hole -- we hit a great shot that convinces us we can do this. And then we're suckered right back in! 

2. Why can't I get that ace already?: If you've never had a hole-in-one, like me, and played golf for a long time, each successive, outlandish hole-in-one story is just like nails on a chalkboard. Sometimes, it's a guy who's 103 years old. Sometimes it's a person who just picked up a golf club that day. And the most annoying part for me? Having seen a guy call his ace before he hit it.

3. Golf is too pretty to quit: Really, there just isn't an ugly place to play golf. The scenery's almost always wonderful. The people are great. Even if the quality of play belongs at the dump, the golf course is a recreational walk in the park. It'd be so much easier to walk away from the game if golf courses looked more like a quarry. Hell, Streamsong in Florida WAS a quarry -- and they turned it into a gorgeous 36-hole resort!

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